RIP Sir Bob
Sad to see that one of TRM’s most colourful inmates has passed on. He leaves many special memories on the Tongariro River.
TRM’s more mature anglers remember his lime green XJ6, hidden from public view in the studio carport next to the fish cleaning station. That was many years ago before he built his own house further along Taupahi Road. They have some intriguing tales to tell – most of which we cannot repeat. They confirm their long, close association with TRM and the Tongariro River, enjoyed by so many, but their numbers are sadly dwindling.
We do have one amusing tale of his early involvement with editing TRM’s “mockumentary” plot – TONGARIRO Skulduggery – which required a complete rewrite at the time. This shall be posted on TRM at a later date.
In the meantime as TRM’s blogs had mentioned him many times, the following will bring back many memories… You might need a strong cup of tea to absorb it all…
Sir Bob’s Tongariro tales
After noticing Sir Bob still featuring on TV1 prime time on 23 June after all these years, most famous for bopping a TV journalist on the Tongariro River in 1985, TRM just have to repeat a previous report featuring him:
Recently, TRM was trying to record all the most famous anglers on the Tongariro River. These included all manner of “celebrities” (?) from the Queen Mother to the Queen to her Son , now King Charles, to American President to Zane Grey to the original Bob Jones of Tokaanu Pub fame over 100 years ago. And you can guess who won – Sir Bob.
He did more to promote trout fishing on the Tongariro River in about 1985 than all the others combined. How? By bopping the nosey rude TV journalist. TRM’s version of the story is as follows:
Without doubt the most well-known Tongariro trout angler in recent years is the successful property magnate, Bob Jones (Now Sir Robert Jones). Before he built his own home on Taupahi Road he was a regular “inmate” at TRM. He earned his fame (or notoriety?) in a most unusual, but memorable, way.
In his successful attempt to unseat the existing Prime Minister in July 1985, Bob Jones formed his own party. Then, after splitting the vote during the election, he announced to the astonished nation that the third most popular party was taking an eighteen-month recess. Anxiously seeking comment, TVNZ chartered a helicopter to track down Jones, who was seeking privacy and tranquillity fishing in the remote parts of the lower Tongariro River. After searching his property from the air, they followed the river downstream to the delta, where they spotted him wading. After circling him they landed close to where he was casting and completely ruined the peace and seclusion that Bob Jones was seeking.
This was a memorable moment in Turangi’s short history. Bob Jones established his popularity and notoriety amongst anglers forever with his reaction. Before the TV journalist could interview him, he was filmed charging out of the bushes, and after throwing his rod aside, he attacked and punched the TV interviewer/journalist, followed by the cameraman also being thumped for good measure. Great footage.
Naturally, it was the top of the news on the TV that night. The punch-up with a blood-spattered journalist suffering a broken nose trying to report back was repeated many times afterwards. Kiwis love a good stoush. Eventually, the matter ended up in Court where Bob Jones was fined $1,000 for assault.
His fame grew among Tongariro anglers and the public when he asked the Magistrate: if he paid $2,000, could he punch him again?
Priceless!
From TRM library of reports:
NZ’s version of Donald Trump?…
Continuing the series of anglers’ own reports on the Tongariro River, but with a ‘twist’ to enhance your reading enjoyment…
TRM has taken this opportunity to introduce Bob Jones (particularly for Australian readers who may be unaware of his contribution to Tongariro angling folklore) as he is one of the enduring controversial characters who made more headlines for the Tongariro River than most other TRM inmates combined. As such, he deserves his own special report…
Nevertheless, TRM acknowledge his considerable contribution to the colourful history of the river, keeping many anglers entertained and amused for the last 30 years – in particular from the following incident:
In July 1985, New Zealand Party leader Bob Jones and president Malcolm McDonald surprised many by announcing the nation’s then-third most popular party was taking an 18-month recess. TVNZ went searching for comment, and after chartering a helicopter, found Jones fishing on the Tongariro Delta, near Turangi.
Jones was not amused; he infamously punched reporter Rod Vaughan, arguing later he would fight any charges in court, since the journalists had subjected him to intolerable harassment.
When fined $1000, Jones asked the judge if he paid $2000, could he please do it again?
So how could SWMBO not include him in these stories on the Tongariro…?!!!
He still features regularly. In last week’s ‘Herald on Sunday’ – in the editorial & comment page 38 – their columnist Rodney Hide wrote:
“New Zealanders shouldn’t struggle to understand the phenomenon that is Donald Trump etc…. – think Bob Jones.” He goes on to say, “Jones is a successful and flamboyant businessman. He entered the 1984 election with his freshly hatched New Zealand Party to win 12 per cent of the votes. He came from nowhere, won no seats, defeated National and propelled Labour into office, which proceeded to implement his New Zealand Party’s free market policies.”
And to keep TRM’s readers informed (?) is Jones’ opinion on the Government’s current water claim?…………
……….. For example, Mighty River Power’s principal assets are eight hydroelectric generators on the Waikato River. In 1840, the river provided eels and transport for Maori villagers in the vicinity. But today, like everyone else, Māori buy their food from supermarkets and have substituted cars for canoes. To argue that the river was vested in them in 1840 and claim water-usage money is simply an opportunistic twisting of the original objective. If that proposition had validity, why is it only now being raised? Why haven’t they brought a claim against the power company until now?
The answer is blackmail: specifically, that by threatening to delay the Government’s sale plans through litigation, this action could secure taxpayers millions in yet another bogus settlement.
His solution to the constant blackmail?
The Waitangi Treaty is redundant.
It need not be formally annulled but, like many other outdated laws, be simply ignored as a historic relic. Claims such as illicit land seizures can be dealt with by the courts.
(Photo aboveof Bob Jones cautiously navigating across Veras Pool below Tongariro Lodge)
For TRM’s Australian fishos we add an appendix – an obituary from Metro Magazine – as the opening paragraph refers to trout fishing on the Tongariro…
First published in Metro, November 2013.
Illustration by Daron Parton.
Sir Robert Jones, the world’s oldest man, is dead. He was 194.
A shy fellow, Jones was happiest alone in the Tongariro River tickling trout, emerging from time to time to present his cherished beliefs about sunglasses, grey shoes, cellphones and unattractive feminists.
For more than a century and a half he wrote a column for the FoxNZ Herald; a record bested only by the fictional “Shelley Bridgeman” character.
Born middle-aged, Jones was teased at school for wearing a smoking jacket and pipe, but the taunts fell away as his capacity for a left hook developed. By the age of 17 he had read every book ever written — twice — and owned 5700 investment properties.
Sunning himself in the warm glow of his success, he resolved to spend the remaining years of his life dabbling in property and sharing his wisdom with his fellow man. Women were also welcome to listen.
He became a talkback host, a columnist, an author, a commentator, a knight of the realm, a brawler with TV reporters.
Decades came, decades went. Politicians came, politicians went. New Zealand, once prosperous, grew poor. Foot-and-mouth disease liquidated the country’s 200 million dairy cows.
Through it all, one constant remained: Sir Bob Jones and his opinions on sunglasses, grey shoes, cellphones and unattractive feminists. His popularity never ebbed. For every old curmudgeon who breathed his last in a retirement home, another dudebro would pick up a newspaper for the first time and chuckle at Jones’ dyspeptic musings.
Nothing, it seemed, would ever change. But in Jones’ 12th decade it did, a little. He decided his true calling was the law.
The courtroom had long been his second home — a boxing ring of a softer kind — and he enjoyed the company of barristers. He admired their arrogance. He admired their bravado. He admired their talent for going about their business fortified by wine.
By the time he was 142, he was sitting in the Wellington High Court.
Although he had to be carried to and from the courthouse in a litter, and a factotum was required to lift his papers and hold his hand steady for signatures, his pronouncements from the bench were invariably those of a much older man, as they had ever been.
Legal scholars called his florid and discursive judgments the best sport since Lord Denning. “Ten days ago,” one judgment began, “the sky fell in Auckland, judging by the hysterical over-the-top reaction.”
Radio hosts stood by each morning to find out “who Bob’s going to stick it to today”.
“You’re not some kind of feminist girl are you?” he would ask witnesses, “because you sound like a very silly one.”
“Life is full of risks, which is why we buy insurance, wear seat belts, lock our doors, don’t holiday in Somalia or, as plainly needs to be said, walk alone through dark parks at night,” he would invariably remind assault victims.
His Friday afternoon sentencing sessions became a Wellington tradition. Spectators would eat popcorn as Sir Robert rasped: “You will now reside at our expense in prison for 70 years where hopefully some awful fate will befall you. Take his cellphone away, but let him keep his grey shoelaces.”
Sir Robert will be buried at his holiday home on Mars.
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The news caption for photo above reads “Wealthy property speculator and developer, Bob Jones, responds to an anti-tour demonstrator before starring in a National Party fund-raising night.
(The above comments on Bob Jones are a reminder that in terms of publicity, [good or bad?] he has arguably achieved as much promotion for the Tongariro as all the other inmates combined. As such, he deserves his own TRM opinion below… As SWMBO suggested, how could we not include him? Her advice to inmates – when reading this, keep your tongue planted securely in your cheek.)
Colonialism Nonsense
“Try and imagine the carry-on in Britain if its government announced special privileges for the original Anglo-Saxon and Celt citizens.
Nearly 40% of today’s Brits are of non-traditional ethnicity. Take those of Indian ethnicity. They have the highest educational standards of all Britain’s diverse ethnicities. They also have the highest incomes and are the least likely to be in prison. The current cabinet is dominated by Indian ethnics, many of four generations back and most pundits are picking the current, (Indian ethnic) Chancellor as Boris’s successor.
But here in New Zealand the government’s posture, if in charge in Britain, would be that you citizens of Indian ethnicity, must step back and allow special privileges to the poor suffering original Anglo-Saxon and Celt inhabitants.
That parallels what is happening here in New Zealand with Māoridom.
We’re told maoridom is bearing the awful toll of colonialism, two centuries back.
I’m of Welsh and English stock and have suffered this too. My ancestors had to endure the bloody Roman invasion. Just as we were finally getting over that, bugger me if we then had bloody Vikings turn up and run all over us. My how we suffered from post-colonial stress but with the passing of time we were beginning to stand on our feet when in came the bloody Saxons. My God, the pain. How we lashed out at our wives and children as a result. But with no other option we hung on in and were just starting to gain some confidence when in 1066, the bloody French bowled up and it started all over again. And so it went. The agony of this constant post-colonial stress was unbearable.
So you will understand why Māori beat up their wives and children, dominate prison statistics and every other negative measure. It’s all down to colonialism. Only by giving them special privileges will we solve the problem, or so the government asserts.
Being well-meaning is no excuse for the racial division the government is promoting with its endless excuses for Māori failure and Māori privilege.
One of my best mates is Māori. He endured the standard jailed father, the batterings and all the baggage that goes with it. Add to that dyslexia and gullibility leading to a short prison sentence, but he was blessed with a typically strong-willed Māori mother’s influence, urging him to forgo excuses and look ahead and not backwards. He’s become a huge success as a human being and wants no truck with excuses. He’s self-employed and hugely liked by all and sundry as a terrific human being. Further, to his great credit, he scorns Māori privilege.
I have Māori children; no surprise there, as I have them by a wide variety of races. They all get on with their lives and couldn’t give a stuff about their ancestry. It’s 100% irrelevant. Not only that, but as most of them are girls, they’re all naturally stark raving mad but still overcome that handicap without proffering bogus excuses.
Meaning well is no excuse for causing harm. The government is causing enormous divisive damage to our social fabric by catering to the dying Stuff’s type Māori wonderful nonsense. It will be a key reason they’re run out of office in two years’ time.”
Continued tomorrow with more on why the Waitangi Tribunal is redundant…