For some TRM inmates, this is almost as important as selecting the All Blacks’ coach. It is no surprise that anglers can never agree on the most important prerequisites to qualify as the best fishing guide. So SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed is the unbiased Manager of guide selection policies at TRM) has chosen with Her surprise selection – a controversial decision to ponder while the Tongariro River fishing is delayed – subject to a “recreational release” on Saturday.

RENT A FRIEND?
We cannot resist mentioning this as so often over the last twenty years the warden has had to respond and find an answer to the same impossible request: “Who is the best fishing guide on the Tongariro?”
This was always a tricky issue as every local guide is a very good angler. They have to be to survive, but all occupations have some individuals who may better suit certain client requirements than others. It is often impossible to anticipate clients’ wishes. By that we mean the “public relations” skills between guides are often underestimated and can be very different.
This opinion has been based on direct verbal feedback from inmates when they are more relaxed and recovering from their fishing trips during “happy hour” at TRM. They were nearly all men who confirmed it was not about who spotted the most trout or who could cast the longest or who showed them a special pool that no one else was supposed to know about or who was the cheapest. It was more about human nature.

Some visiting tourist anglers from overseas might need a guide – more to find out where to access the Tongariro River pools as they already had vast experience all around the world and had forgotten more than their guides ever knew about fly fishing. Other times were when the clients were complete novices, or so young or elderly and fragile, they needed help to put on their waders and sort out their gear. So it is often “horses for courses” to try to satisfy varying requirements.

Some of our worst experiences have been where guides took clients where they – the guides – wanted to fish rather than assess the clients physical ability and choosing somewhere to fit their level of expertise. We have almost lost guests after they were dragged through deep pools or fast rapids and returned exhausted and terrified by the experience. That is why they needed “happy hour” to recover.

So after many years of nervously trying to recommend guides, there was one special guide that TRM will never forget, one whose “clients” will never forget either, who always returned, usually late, with happy clients consistently wanting to book again. That is the acid test. But this guide had them bedazzled. Of course, she was trained by the warden that guiding was not all about fly fishing skills or casting ability at all, but more about “rent a friend”.

Her name was Kiki. She was originally hired as a TRM housekeeper but soon won over the most sceptical cynical crusty old inmates who were inquisitive about her skills after hearing how popular she was from other fishy guests. She managed to always convey such infectious enthusiasm, which more than compensated for any obvious gaps in her technical knowledge. They all loved her.
Her success was a relief to the warden who had backed her skills in communication as being more essential than how to tie knots. TRM could never admit to her at the time just how popular she was or her hourly rate would have to be increased. Some anglers returned just to enjoy her company. Some also went fishing.

It proved once again it was not all about fishing, but just as important, it was about having a good time. For a young lady (she turned 21 at TRM) her people skills were quite brilliant and we were sad to see her return to Sweden after a year or so.
One particular morning two elderly American anglers were all togged up and wanted to know where to access the river pools. They were very experienced freshwater anglers and did not want to hire a guide. SWMBO managed to persuade them that, as they only had one day for fishing the Tongariro, it would be more efficient time management for Kiki to ‘escort’ them to show them several suitable easily accessed pools so then they could decide which they preferred. So they agreed to pay for TRM’s one-hour ‘introduction escort service’ only and off they went.

They returned late afternoon all laughing and full of the joys of spring. When asked how many trout they landed, they replied none but exclaimed they just had their best day’s fly fishing ever. They had spotted more fish in more pools and lost more trout than they had ever experienced before. Kiki was waving a handful of US $ notes to prove their appreciation. That was quite a remarkable guiding performance and there were many more.

(West Island “clients” of Kiki from left, Stuart, Geoff, Peter & Ian all fondly remember her birthday celebration. Geoff, Peter & Ian have been back at TRM for the last two weeks to present the ‘old man’ with a new jersey for watching the Bledisloe Cup – see below)

Oops! I digress – I think the Aussies distracted me… Back to fishing guides…

Perhaps even more convincing confirmation of Kiki’s success and popularity was when TRM received a scathing bitchy emailed protest from an immature sour-puss guide bitterly complaining that TRM should not employ her at all as she was poaching his regular TRM clients. We could hardly believe he was serious. What a plonker! Naturally, his emailed complaint was immediately circulated to all the other fishos and guides as well. They all confirmed his “plonker” status! His complaint demonstrated he did not understand the most basic human character trait when he whined about her lack of experience and technical skills. Much to the amusement of other fishing guides, he demanded she should be sacked! That proved her worth beyond doubt. Unbelievable immature petty jealousy! More surprisingly, this was after TRM had generously assisted him in establishing his guiding business. But his hissy fit and poor manners destroyed any remaining reputation and he would never be recommended again. That was unusual for any Tongariro guide – so sad to finish on a sour note but it confirmed the popularity and reputation of Kiki who proved there is much more to guiding than just catching trout.

Kiki “guiding” another regular inmate from West Island, Murray Cullen.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. We hope those brief inmates’ stories will be sufficient to show the delightful diversity of interesting people who make TRM and the Tongariro River such a wonderful place.

Recent family photos from Kiki who many inmates will remember from when she stayed at TRM in 2013-2014. She is now happily married and has two kids and still keeps us up to date and sends her love to all TRM inmates.

These updates and TRM’s recent blogs from “TONGARIRO Skulduggery“ are reminders that others will enjoy her chapter on “RENT A FRIEND”: (Published pre-covid in 2020)